Okay now that Christmas is overr! Thank God!!! I love my Lord & Saviour but the holidays can get depressing for me because I miss my family... Now that it's over; I can breathe. I can go back to work tommorow hopefully, and I can be out in the world & get stuff off of my mind. YAY!!! It's sad that I'm such a loserish 19 year old and that I work so hard, but as hard as I work it never seems like enough cuz financially times are hard in my life. I remember sitting at this computer @ the end of last year thinking that 08 was going to be different. It was an average year. I had UPs and DowNS!!! Major ones... I got my car and I've been doing good in school & making money... But the summer deff had it's drama with my breakup, and even though it's been like half a year I still think about that person a lot. I've learnt in the future that seeking revenge is pointless, but I've also realised that if I have to seek revenge on someone then I shouldn't be with them, because that's not a healthy relationship. It was just sad cuz I didn't only loose a boyfriend but I lost a best friend. I know he probably doesn't think about it, or about me as much as I think about stuff, because he's a sag. I've been surrounded by sag's all my life. I know them well. He's just doing him right now, and we haven't spoke and that's fine. I wish him all the best. When I Love someone, I love them hard... So I'm not talking to anyone right now, and I'm not trying to get hurt in the near future. Time heals all wounds, right??? The other guy I was talking to @ this time last year, when me and my ex broke up for a short time, before we got back together, was a waste of time. I find that most guys are a waste of time. I'm not really studying men @ the moment. I'm just living my life. But even the most adored person in the world, gets lonely sometimes. What's new for 09??? I'm not making any resolutions this year really.. I'm just gonna go with the flow.. Except I really really wanna go back home (Jamaica). I miss my fams terribly. And I always go with God, I've drifted away from God a lot. I think I used to be more dedicated, to atleast trying to live a Christian life. Now it's like I just live life. That's not cool. My spirituality always kept me centered in the past. I need it now. I just need God to help me stay focused, and to take care of my family. Christmas was arighttt... Till next time, hopefully before six months past cuz I harldy come on here, and my Xanga needs some upgrading. It needs some work. Ta Ta. | 
. I'm annoyed also because I feel myself changing. I've always just wanted to be with my boyfriend and love and take care of him, but now I don't feel like that. It's like I know inside he will continue to hurt me and because of that although I love him I've decided that I don't give a fuck anymore. If I want to cheat on him, talk to other people, I'll do it. He does it to me, when I tell my friends that they say well then what's the point. I don't really know what's the point. The only thing I know is missing him everyday--- wishing I was near him---wishing I could kiss him---wishing he could hold me---wishing we could talk for hours without him getting tired of me like we used to when we first started talking. Sometimes missing him the way I do breaks my heart enough but then to have him cheat on me, or just not care about my feelings makes me feel like fuck it what's the point of me staying faithful to him. I love him but I see women who are in bad relationships everyday and honestly I'd rather cheat on him now and break his heart and have him hate me than have him hurt, cheat and break my heart everyday of my life. I feel sad about everything I don't know what to do anymore. If I did cheat what would be the point? I still don't feel like I'll ever love anyone like I do him. I don't even want to cheat on him. But I have to it's the only way I know to save myself... People say I need to get away from him.... Yea right... as if getting away is that easy... He follows me. Even if he's not calling or iming me I can't get him out of my head. It's all crazy but that's just the way it goes. New Cherie for the summer>>> Acting Brand NEW is necessary<<< GOD knows why I feel like saying just fuck everything... and hopefully he will forgive me for my mistakes. Jus expressing how I feel.... Nobody reads this anyway *hopefully*
